Crossroads
I am now again between jobs, not completely certain where life will take me, and I'm slowly developing the suspicion that this is my natural state. This liminal phase where I always come back to zero, to start from scratch in a different direction is becoming very familiar. I suppose I should clarify that I'm speaking of this in terms of work and profession, not personal life.
I'm now 35, and I don't think I've ever held a job for even two years. Thats not really good if you think about it. There has been a good reason for ending each one, so I've never really been concerned about it, but I am getting older. Should I be concerned?
Thinking about it, I guess it all boils down to the fact that, other than teaching, I haven't found a job I like. Teaching I liked, but couldn't pay my bills with. I did like working as an attorney, but after a few months, a personal issue arose between me and one of the partners, and once you have to tap dance on eggshells, all the enjoyment just gets sucked out of what would have been a good job.
This time its just that the election is coming up and my position was temporary, so I was offered the choice of taking on another role, for which I was horribly unsuited, or leaving the campaign, so I chose to leave. I'm not going to take a paycheck for something I'm not qualified to do.
And so now I'm back where I started, and ready to go in an entirely new direction. I actually have a very specific thing that I'm trying for right now, but I don't want to jinx it. So I won't tell you what it is until there's more to tell.
But I suppose the point is that despite being broke, with nothing to show for the years of work, aand not knowing how I'm paying rent next month, I like this. I like that I'm doing so many things, that I feel like I'm living a life for each path I travel, I like that my future is not set in stone, that it can still turn out to be anything. And I like the view of the open crossroads ahead.
I fear I'll never get tired of seeing it.
I'm now 35, and I don't think I've ever held a job for even two years. Thats not really good if you think about it. There has been a good reason for ending each one, so I've never really been concerned about it, but I am getting older. Should I be concerned?
Thinking about it, I guess it all boils down to the fact that, other than teaching, I haven't found a job I like. Teaching I liked, but couldn't pay my bills with. I did like working as an attorney, but after a few months, a personal issue arose between me and one of the partners, and once you have to tap dance on eggshells, all the enjoyment just gets sucked out of what would have been a good job.
This time its just that the election is coming up and my position was temporary, so I was offered the choice of taking on another role, for which I was horribly unsuited, or leaving the campaign, so I chose to leave. I'm not going to take a paycheck for something I'm not qualified to do.
And so now I'm back where I started, and ready to go in an entirely new direction. I actually have a very specific thing that I'm trying for right now, but I don't want to jinx it. So I won't tell you what it is until there's more to tell.
But I suppose the point is that despite being broke, with nothing to show for the years of work, aand not knowing how I'm paying rent next month, I like this. I like that I'm doing so many things, that I feel like I'm living a life for each path I travel, I like that my future is not set in stone, that it can still turn out to be anything. And I like the view of the open crossroads ahead.
I fear I'll never get tired of seeing it.
posted by Psilocide | 7:16 PM
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