Dreams
Before I start, I suppose an update is in order. All of that torment payed off, as last week I got the word that I passed the Nevada Bar exam. And even better, later in the week I got a very good job offer from a firm in Vegas. So its off to Vegas for me in a week or two, after over six years in Los Angeles. For those of you counting, that's the longest I've lived anywhere, ever.
Now dreams are strange things. sometimes you understand them, and sometimes you don't.
This is a dream I had a while ago when I was a teacher:
Dreamt that one of my students wanted to commit suicide, it was in the future, and the law required that he be allowed to. There was a bed in the classroom, and I sat on the bed with him after he took the lethal dose because he was scared. I was giving him a hug when a somewhat pretty girl went in front of the class, and his body tensed at the sight of her. I asked him if she was the one who had hurt him, why he wanted to die. He silently nodded. I squeezed his hand and told him that he didn’t have to worry about that anymore. He was going to a place without hurt where everything would be better. He clung to me tighter, either from fear or from hurt at seeing the girl. For some reason I truly believed what I was saying, that it was best for him to go this way even though he was so young and it was only a high school crush gone bad. I guess I felt it was beyond my control by then. That’s all I remember.
That dream is something impossible to know for sure exactly what it meant. The dream I had last night is a different story. Last night I dreamt it was thelast day of high school, though the dream combined people and places from both Dublin and Parkview high schools, and even a bit of Law school, but it was all of the end of that last day, when you're going room to room to say goodbye to your favortie teachers, your football coach, staying after the last bell to get last minute contact info from your friends, finding out which college they're going to, and overall, just savoring the moment, and feeling sad about leaving the thing you've spent years dreaming about leaving. Having that dream last night is no big surprise. I'm leaving Los Angeles. I've been dreaming so long about getting a real job, being a real attorney instead of a half-ass pseudo lawyer for Gibson Dunn, and now its real, I have the job, I have the apartment, and I have half my stuff in boxes. And now I dont want to go. Of course I want the job, and I will go. But I hate leaving Los Angeles. There is so much here that I love. Las Vegas seems so empty in comparison, but then something new always does; it takes time to find the soul of a place. But as irrational as it is, I'm finding myself depressed these days. Depressed about what I'm leaving. About those lonely days that come with each new city, before you've found your friends. But its an adventure too, and as always, once the time comes to step into that moving truck, the feeling of adventure will take over, and it will be better.
Now dreams are strange things. sometimes you understand them, and sometimes you don't.
This is a dream I had a while ago when I was a teacher:
Dreamt that one of my students wanted to commit suicide, it was in the future, and the law required that he be allowed to. There was a bed in the classroom, and I sat on the bed with him after he took the lethal dose because he was scared. I was giving him a hug when a somewhat pretty girl went in front of the class, and his body tensed at the sight of her. I asked him if she was the one who had hurt him, why he wanted to die. He silently nodded. I squeezed his hand and told him that he didn’t have to worry about that anymore. He was going to a place without hurt where everything would be better. He clung to me tighter, either from fear or from hurt at seeing the girl. For some reason I truly believed what I was saying, that it was best for him to go this way even though he was so young and it was only a high school crush gone bad. I guess I felt it was beyond my control by then. That’s all I remember.
That dream is something impossible to know for sure exactly what it meant. The dream I had last night is a different story. Last night I dreamt it was thelast day of high school, though the dream combined people and places from both Dublin and Parkview high schools, and even a bit of Law school, but it was all of the end of that last day, when you're going room to room to say goodbye to your favortie teachers, your football coach, staying after the last bell to get last minute contact info from your friends, finding out which college they're going to, and overall, just savoring the moment, and feeling sad about leaving the thing you've spent years dreaming about leaving. Having that dream last night is no big surprise. I'm leaving Los Angeles. I've been dreaming so long about getting a real job, being a real attorney instead of a half-ass pseudo lawyer for Gibson Dunn, and now its real, I have the job, I have the apartment, and I have half my stuff in boxes. And now I dont want to go. Of course I want the job, and I will go. But I hate leaving Los Angeles. There is so much here that I love. Las Vegas seems so empty in comparison, but then something new always does; it takes time to find the soul of a place. But as irrational as it is, I'm finding myself depressed these days. Depressed about what I'm leaving. About those lonely days that come with each new city, before you've found your friends. But its an adventure too, and as always, once the time comes to step into that moving truck, the feeling of adventure will take over, and it will be better.
posted by Psilocide | 10:28 AM
1 Comments:
Having recently moved, I understand your apprehension. I do have my family, here--or some of them (parents)...but finding friends? Well, that does take time. You'll get there. I'll get there--that's part of the adventure, right?
I love what you said, about finding the soul of the place. That's so true.
Great post. :-)
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